Reunion of the Tragic Heroes
by Nyx-Trace
Summary: A fluffy oneshot from Lily's point of view about the man she really loved.


Five years too late, unfortunately, I realized how pointless and empty the cycle of revenge is.

_"LEAVE HIM ALONE"__'__ Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily._

_"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly. _

_"Take the curse off him, then!"_

_James sighed deeply, the turned to Snape and muttered the countercurse. _

_"There you go," he said, as Snape struggled to his feet again, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus---"_

_"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods __like__ her!"_

_Lily blinked. "Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash my pants if I were you, _Snivellus._"_

Oh Merlin, I should have realized. Though I refused to admit it for years, I loved Severus. We shared so much: everything from fiery tempers, to a love of Potions, to a hate of everything Marauder, to intelligence and a love of books…and a deep, lasting love for the other that was never revealed to anyone, not even each other. We had known each other since we were small, before there were petty circumstances like enemy Hogwarts Houses to divide us. It was he who introduced me to the Wizarding World...But in the end, I chose the Light and he chose the Dark. How could I have realized, at fifteen, that the world is not divided into black and white, Death Eaters and Order of the Phoenix?

"'_I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.'_

_'I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just---'_

_'Slipped out?' There was no pity in Lily's voice. 'It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends---you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny __that's what__ you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?'_

_He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking. _

_'I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way. I've chosen mine.'_

_'No---listen, I didn't mean---'_

_'---to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?'_

_He struggled on the verge of speech, but with a contemptuous look she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole…"_

When he began to use the Dark Arts, began to join the group at school who called themselves "Death Eaters", I was beyond frightened for my best friend. When he refused to be deterred from the path he had supposedly chosen, I used his insult to break away from him forever. Severus had called me a Mudblood before, but only in front of his Slytherin friends. We both knew perfectly well why I refused to be his friend or speak to him any longer.

"_'I'm sorry.__'_

_'I'm not interested.'_

_'I'm sorry!'_

_'Save your breath.'"_

At first, I blamed him. I took revenge, I refused to forgive him. That was the happy, oblivious time when I believed that everyone had the ability to make a choice, before I discovered how Fate lures and tricks and traps us all, in the end.

_"__'__How come __she married him?' Harry asked miserably. 'She hated him.'_

_'Nah, she didn't,' said Sirius._

_'She started going out with him in seventh year,' said Lupin._

_'Once James had deflated his head a bit,' said Sirius._

_'And stopped hexing people just for the fun of it,' said Lupin._

_'Even Snape?' said Harry._

_'Well,' said Lupin slowly, 'Snape was a special case I mean, he never lost an opportunity to curse James, so you couldn't expect James to take that lying down, could you?'_

_'And my mum was okay with that?'_

_'She didn't know too much about it, to tell you the truth,' said Sirius. 'I mean, James didn't take Snape on dates with her and jinx him in front of her, did he?'_

_Sirius frowned at Harry, who still looked unconvinced._

_'Look,' he said, 'Your father was the best friend I ever had, and he was a good person. A lot of people are idiots at the age of fifteen. He grew out of it.'_

_'Yeah, okay,' said Harry heavily. 'I just never thought__ I'd feel sorry for Snape.'"_

As I watched from…Heaven? Hell? Everything? Nothing? The afterlife? I laughed delightedly. My son had inherited more from me than I had previously thought, although his appearance stubbornly remained nearly identical to that of James. He was so astute, observant, and questioned everything. Most importantly, in spite of all Severus had done and said to Harry, he could still have compassion for him.

Remus and Sirius were not far off the mark. I began to date James when he had become a little less conceited, after a few months of being friends. James was pleasant to be around, always making me laugh. But…I did know that James regularly hexed Severus. It gave me a sickening, savage pleasure to know that he was hurting, even if I was unable to cause the pain myself. It took me until our wedding day to realize that I began a relationship with James partly out of anger and hurt. I wanted Severus to feel as I felt, I wanted vengeance. But mostly, I wanted my Severus back. Obviously, jealousy wasn't the way to go…

At our wedding, as I walked down the aisle toward James, I saw Severus. I trembled, almost visibly, as I realized that the man I truly loved was not the one I was about to marry. I shook it off as I realized that Severus had become something twisted and dark, something beyond repair. I reasoned that I loved James dearly (albeit in a brotherly kind of way), and that we could be happy together. And so we were married.

James and I _were_ happy together, as much as could be expected. He never admitted it to himself while we were alive, but deep down I think he knew that my heart belonged to Severus.

And then Harry, my beautiful boy, was born. Whatever doubts I had had about having the child of James Potter were quelled instantly, as my son was placed in my arms.

That year was peaceful, quiet, and full of joy. Harry filled the house with laughter, and Remus, Sirius, and James began tutoring Harry in the art of being a Marauder. When Dumbledore told us of the prophecy, we went into hiding. Without the presence of Sirius and Remus, and James going stir-crazy, things became very strained. I missed Severus more than ever.

And then…well, to put it bluntly, we died. James and I, that is. James, after we had had a long talk, moved on. He came to his senses, and we parted as friends. I stayed...I had someone to watch and wait for.

I learned of Snape's true loyalties by gleaning information from his meetings with Dumbledore. I saw him cry in his quarters, and remembered the rare occurrences when I had caught him crying and held him. I so longed to hold Severus again. He had no one in the world besides Dumbledore who knew the truth, and Dumbledore could not really offer him any comfort.

Although I mainly watched Snape, I also watched my sister mistreat my son. I was…furious, to say the least, and when I watched Harry bellow and rage at Dumbledore in his fifth year, I was cheering from the sidelines.

When Harry was accepted at Hogwarts, and attended his first Potions lesson, I was disappointed in Snape. I had hoped against all odds that Snape would take Harry under his wing, would care for him for my sake. Alas, that was not to be, seeing as Harry was Sorted into Gryffindor, and inherited his father's looks. In Snape's eyes, he was too alike to James. After my initial reaction, I began to understand. I think he resented Harry for being James' son instead of his own.

At the end of Harry's fourth year at Hogwarts, the worst happened. Voldemort returned. James and I appeared briefly to Harry to help and guide him, and we each returned to where we belonged. I went immediately to Severus' side when I realized what Voldemort's return meant for him.

_ "'There,' said Snape harshly. 'There. The Dark Mark. It is not as clear as it was an hour or so ago, when it burned black, but you can still see it. Every Death Eater had the sign burned into him by the Dark Lord. It was a means of distinguishing one another, and his means of summoning us to him. When he touched the Mark of any Death Eater, we were to Disapparate, and Apparate, instantly, at his side. This Mark has been growing clearer all year. Karkaroff'__s too. Why do you think Ka__rkaroff fl__e__d tonight? We both felt the Mark burn. We both knew he had returned. Karkaroff fears the Dark Lord's vengeance. __He betrayed too many of his fellow Death Eaters to be sure of a welcome back into the fold.'"_

Unfortunately, Severus had no such excuses. He was welcomed back as a Death Eater, and there were only three who knew where his true loyalty lay. By the time Harry was seventeen, two of those three people were dead.

When Voldemort killed Snape, I was beyond ready to see Severus again. I watched as he gave his memories to Harry, careful to omit anything too personal about either of us. As he spoke his final words, a strangled sob escaped my throat. It was then I knew that he had never really stopped loving me, just as I had never stopped loving him.

_"__A terrible rasping, gurgling noise issued from Snape's throat._

_'Take…it…Take…it__…__'_

_Something more than blood was leaking from Snape. Silvery blue, neither gas nor liquid, it gushed from his mouth and his ears and his eyes, and Harry knew what it was, but did not know what to do…_

_A flask, conjured from thin air, was thrust into his shaking hands by Hermione. Harry lifted the silvery substance into it with his wand. When the flask was full to the brim, and Snape looked as though there was no blood left in him, his grip on Harry's robes slackened._

_'Look…at…me…' he whispered._

_The green eyes met the black, but after a second, something in the depths of the dark pair seemed to vanish, leaving them fixed, blank, and empty. The hand holding Harry thudded to the floor, and Snape moved no more."_

Ah, my beloved fool, who always stubbornly believed that only that which was tangible could be believed in. I suppose he thought that there was nothing beyond death, and I knew he wanted to see my eyes again, albeit in Harry's face.

Finally, the man for whom I had been waiting nearly 17 years for appeared in the place that is nowhere and everywhere. He looked twenty years younger, the same age that I was when I died. I managed to drag Severus onto the bed, before giving him a light sleeping potion that had appeared in the room earlier. I knew that I would have to be there for Harry, and I wanted to be there when Severus awoke. Sure enough, a few minutes later I felt the pull of the Resurrection Stone, and went to, once again, comfort and guide my son.

_"Lily's smile was the widest of all. She pushed her long__ hair back as she drew closer to him, and her green eyes, so like his, searched his face hungrily, as though she would never be able to look at him enough._

_'You've been so brave.'"_

When Harry no longer needed us, I returned to Severus. It was an hour before he woke. I stayed by his side the whole time, holding his hand in mine. When he began to stir, I stroked his hair gently. Senses sharpened by nearly twenty years of being a spy and a Death Eater, his eyes flew open within a second or two, and just as I'd wanted, the first thing he saw was my eyes.

"Lily?" he whispered longingly. My throat tightened as I nodded, and I looked away.

He visibly recalled and collected himself, snarky git surfacing. In his usual sarcastic tone, he said, "I'm going to take a wild guess and say that I'm dead."

Resenting the return of the mask he had worn for so many years, I retorted, "Yes, that is what usually happens when one is bitten in the neck by a venomous snake."

As I had expected, Severus ignored the jibe. He glanced around, and asked, "But where is your dear husband?"

I sighed, and started fidgeting with my hair, a sure sign that I was nervous. Looking anywhere but at the obsidian eyes, I said, "He moved on."

"Oh?" Snape raised an eyebrow, and when I did not reply, went on. "And why should you stay? Surely this room is not nearly as entertaining as dear Jamie."

I swallowed, and whispered, "I was waiting for someone."

"Really? And who might that be?"

"Don't be thick or condescending, Severus, it doesn't suit you. If I recall correctly, it wasn't James who betrayed me and went on to become a Death Eater."

His eyes narrowed, a sure sign of danger. "And who was it that pushed me away in the first place? What I recall is a promise that we would remain friends, despite the pressure from our Houses."

"Calling me a Mudblood is one thing. Joining a Dark Lord is another."

He practically growled at me. "I wasn't a Death Eater at that point."

I rolled my eyes, and shot back, "You were well on the way. Tell me, Severus, why did you feel the need to befriend those scum?"

At this, he got up from the bed and began to pace furiously. "You just don't comprehend, do you? You Gryffindors were always particularly thick-headed. I'll attempt to explain slowly and clearly. Lily, we hardly spent any time together, for fear of being caught. You were a popular, vivacious, beautiful Gryffindor, and I was the greasy know-it-all Slytherin, commonly known as Snivellus. I was an easy target for the Death Eater recruiters. I knew most of it was wrong, and false, but when you've been an outcast your whole life, and you're accepted into the group, you'll do anything to stay there. Yes, I was a coward, and a weakling. They blackmailed me, threatening to hurt you and my mother. I had fallen prey to the simplest of peer pressure. I was torn between you and the Death Eaters, and when we…had our falling-out…my path was cut out for me."

By the end of his rant, tears were running freely down his cheeks. I swallowed around the lump in my throat, and inwardly cursed myself for saying the wrong thing (again). Through his tears, he said, "Lily…You don't know how hard it's been…Being a Death Eater. I knew it was wrong, I wanted out. But I couldn't, not until I knew the Dark Lord was after you. Then nothing else mattered. I went to Dumbledore, I became a spy. When the Dark Lord fell, I had ten years of peace. When Harry came, I refused to see you in him, I didn't want to admit that he was anything other than the son of the man I hated. It was agony teaching him, being near him every day, seeing you in him. " He collapsed onto the bed, brought his knees to his chest, and buried his face in his hands as great, silent sobs shuddered through his body.

Absentmindedly, I helped him get more comfortable as I gathered my thoughts. "Severus…there are a lot of things I wish I hadn't done, and abandoning you and marrying James partly out of spite is high on that list. Oh, yeah, I never mentioned that, correct? Yeah, I dated James Potter to make you jealous. Over time, I grew to love him…" Severus practically growled, but I held up a hand to stop him. "Like you would an adoring brother. When we died, James moved on, and was eventually joined by Sirius and Remus. And I've stayed here. I've watched you for seventeen years, Severus. I know that you became a spy for the Light, I know that you've surreptitiously guided and protected my son without raising suspicion, and I know what form your Patronus takes. I know that you're a good man."

Severus blinked in shock for a moment, and then something truly amazing happened: A mischievous smile crept across his lips, and he looked at me and muttered, "Stalker."

I threw my head back, and started laughing. He looked a bit shocked for a moment, and then joined in. The two of us laughed hysterically until our sides split and we had tears of mirth running down our cheeks.

When I finally got my breath back, I grinned at him and said, "There's the Severus I know and love." He turned the faintest shade of pink. Sobering a little, I said, "We've both done some terrible things, but I think that we've punished ourselves enough. Wouldn't you agree?"

He nodded thoughtfully. Smiling, I abandoned the chair next to the bed, and lay down next to him. "Remember when we used to do this, when we were at school? Lie side by side in the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest and talk for hours?"

I couldn't see him, but I knew him well enough to know that he had rolled his eyes. "Silly romantic girl."

I closed my eyes and hummed contentedly. After a few minutes, I felt his arms enfold me in a warm embrace. I nestled against his chest, and wrapped my arms around his thin torso. I heard the distinct sound of his heart pounding, and opened my eyes. I saw the desperation in his eyes, the pleading that he couldn't experience in words, and I knew what he wanted. I nodded almost imperceptibly, and he leaned down and captured my lips in an inexperienced but passionate kiss. I melted right then and there. When he pulled back, I sighed in bliss and kissed him lightly on his infamous nose. "Always wanted to do that," I murmured. He laughed, kissed me on the forehead, and spooned against me.

"What now?" he asked. "I mean, we're dead, right? This can't be it, although this does feel pretty close to heaven. You mentioned something about moving on?"

"Yeah. I don't know what it is or what happens when we get there, but from what I managed to gather from James, I don't think that we'll be separated."

"Comforting," Severus answered dryly, "We could end up in hell, but we're in it together, right?"

I chuckled. "I refuse to find out until we've slept for at least twelve hours. Oh, and Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"As is no doubt apparent from 17 years of observation, I love you too."

Finally, after a lifetime of waiting, I fell asleep entwined in the arms of the man I love.


End file.
